Saturday, September 15, 2007

This is me better.

Ok, that last post was really depressing. And since I am doing better and attempting to look up, I thought I would count my blessings:

  • my amazing and wonderful family. I have two of the best sisters in the entire world. Not to mention my parents could not be any better.
  • I have some of the best friends. They are encouraging, supportive, funny, witty, intelligent, and just overall wonderful. I could not ask for better friends, really.
  • The ability to attend law school. It has been a challenge but will be worth it in the end.

There is just a little sampling. Life is going ok. It's Saturday morning and I am watching The Office Season 2. I love it. I really want Pam and Jim to be together. Can I have a Jim in my life please? Tonight I'm going to dinner for Naz's birthday at Azuma. And I love Azuma and Naz is one of those friends mentioned above. School is really busy, or it's getting busy. In two weeks I have a bench trial (first one ever) for Trial Advocacy and the same day I have try outs for Moot Court team (yay PACE!). Of course there is the ever present reading and studying. As well as the job hunt 07 (that hasn't really started, which is why its on the to-do list). That's about all that is going on at this moment.

Much love.

Yay: 4 am conversations.

Dang: busy-ness.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

This is me upset and confused.

Don't laugh --- i have been listening to Mandy Moore's new cd Wild Hope lately and it's actually really good. Some of the songs hit exactly what I am feeling right now. So i'm going to post them (note - I normally do not go this indepth on my blog, but i'm pretty angered and hurt at this point so i don't really care).

First song--

Well, I put so much thought into getting ready
Now I know that was the best part
It’s so easy to get caught up in what I’m regretting
Forget what I got from a wounded heart

CHORUSI’m the one who likes Gardenia
I’m the one who likes to make love on the floor
I don’t want to hang up the phone yet
It’s been goodGetting to know me more

I’ve been seeing all my old friends in the city
Walking alone in Central Park
Doing all the things that I’ve neglected
Traded ‘em all in
To be in your arms

CHORUSWell, I hear my own voice
Sounds so silly
Keep on telling my story all around
Everything I lost seems so different
Well, this is how everybody gets found

Second song --

Somebody told me, they saw you somewhere
Somebody hold me, cause suddenly I'm a little, cold
Well I must be mistaken, you for somebody else
I know you all to well, or do I?

Chorus:I heard you say
We were one and the same
Well wrong again
I could never do those things you did to me
I will be ok
In time you'll fade
Into the nothing that you are
The nothing you are

VS2Somebody sold me, yeah the same old story
yea yeah, yea yeah
Hadn't you told me, you were there the whole time
yeah, yea yeah
Well I must be mistaken, you for somebody else
I hope you burn in hell, or do I?

VS.2I know your mistakes will hunt you down, eventually
You'll know that when you hit the ground
Your weakness did you in, and delt me out
It's ok, I have the truth on my side
I heard you say
We were one and the same
We'll wrong again
I could never do those things, you , did, to me
I will be ok
In time you'll fade
Into nothing that you are
The nothing you are x4

And because of all this the following song is pretty on key too (not to anyone per se at this point in my life) --

I’m not ready to confront
I’d rather cement my words this way
This could be the easy road out
But I’m just not all that happy
So I’m writing all this down
And I’ll file it in a drawer someday
In lieu of a conversation
We’d probably forget to have anyway

CHORUS I won’t hold anything back
And I won’t hold anything in
Feel like I know where this is going
And I might know how it ends
But I’m stillWilling to begin

You should know my story by now
And why I’m optimistic cautiously
I understand it’s not your fault
But I’m not takin’ anything back
You still end up with Most of me

CHORUS I expect you to fly from NY to LA
And land on my doorstep
And smile at me and say
It was worth it to see most of me
Do you love most of me?
You’re just crossing paths
With the way he left me
I’m not sayin’ a word
But I’m watching you quietly
You’re gonna have to prove me wrong
Before I know this is right
We don’t have to decide tonight
Just wait for me patiently --- And you’ll get all of me

I know God had a purpose for everything. Just at this point i'm not so sure what it may be. I know i deserve to be happy but things get in the way.